Friday, July 3, 2015

Facing My Demons, Bracing Myself for the Future.

My Journey in Japan has been a rocky one from the very start. But I had a pretty good idea on what I was in for when I left Canada. When facing your demons it can be very scary but what is more scary than being put to the challenge, is to feel like you are stuck and rotting away with no improvement. That`s why I left Canada.

I`ve gone through a lot in Japan. I have starved, been stolen from by my best friend [while I was starving at that too] , been stalked,  been in an emotional abusive relationship [who ironically also fell off a building-- but survived], and lost my soulmate in a sudden accident. But I have also got to experience being in a gyarusa, had a chance to love and be loved by someone, made the best of friends I`ve always wished for. I got to finally grow as a person and experience all the things I`ve always wanted to do but couldn't because I was in Canada.

Now its time for a new chapter in my life. I always thought I was the kind of person to face my challenges head on but in reality I have been running away from the same things all my life. But now, I cannot run away anymore.

These are my weaknesses I need to work on.

1. Be aware of my surroundings. I've always been a detail pin point focus kind of person thus this is extremely hard for me

2. Don`t procrastinate prepare in advance, and maintain stamina. I've always been a type to be able to start things with a bang but often get bored and run out of steam quickly. I also the type to leave things to the last minute and finish in the nick of time.

3. Listen to people and remember things and care about people I don't have interest in

4. To lead people. I'm good as an individual worker but managing other people and making decisions that effect myself let alone other people is something I surprisingly don't like so much. I've been running away from leadership roles all my life even though without fail every fortune teller, palm reader, personality test, and aptitude tests in school tell me I am supposed to be a leader. 

5. Be proactive.[I still hate this word to this day] I like it better when someone hands me work and I do it and when I'm done I just do my own stuff. But being expected to assign myself more work is something I'm not so used to.

I have to face all of this now or continue to face them later til I die. I won`t get any easier until I change.

I wrote this because I`m sure there are more people who are facing the same problems as I am.

On a lighter note. I am now the creative producer of gyaru cafe 10sion! I have decided to join this company because I feel like I can grow a lot as a person and it is the first work place I ever been that I felt like I can really be friends with the people I work with.